A Year of No Resolutions

A new year is always a good time for reflecting on the previous year. And let me tell you, at this exact time last year I had no idea at all what 2022 would bring. I was in a pretty sad state. I wasn’t happy at all in my day job, I was receiving rejections after rejections on my novel, and my husband and I had been trying to have a baby for over four years and were about to give up hope.

January 8, 2022, coincidentally my birthday, was when the tides started to change for me. I received an email back from a publisher asking to receive my full manuscript only two days after I had emailed them my query packet. It felt like a sign. Maybe something would go my way?

Fast forward to March 2022 … I had a meeting with the same publisher and they offered to publish my YA sapphic contemporary fiction book Does Love Always Win? When the head of the publishing house told me this I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, even if I tried. For so long I didn’t believe anyone would want to hear my story and that I wasn’t good enough to make it. All of the rejections were just reinforcing this message. But my hard work was finally paying off. My story was going to be told!

A few weeks later I started interviewing for a brand-new day job at a prestigious organization; a position that was completely different than anything I’d done before and involved lots of writing but also some graphic design. And after two interviews, I got the job! I couldn’t believe it. It was a bit scary doing something that was fairly new to me, but at the same time I was ready for something different. Now that I’ve been in this job for seven months, I can say I really love it. It’s something I can see myself doing for the long-haul at an amazing organization.

The last bit of news really knocked me off my feet. I had just accepted my new job and quit my old job when three days later I found out I was pregnant. It was honestly a miracle. I still have no idea how it happened but it did and I couldn’t be happier. It’s a bit terrifying bringing a new life into this world that I’m responsible for but I’m up for the challenge. Luke Anthony Billas was born on December 23, 2022, and we were discharged from the hospital on Christmas Day! He is the perfect Christmas gift and I’m so in love.

It seems like it took so long for all of these blessings to occur and there were so many times I just wanted to give up on all my dreams. My brain liked to tell me I would never make it, that I was a crap writer: why did I even want to be an author or a writer in my day job? And maybe I didn’t deserve to be a mother? When these intrusive thoughts arose, I tried my best to shoo it away and kept pursuing my dreams, even when it seemed pointless. And it finally, finally paid off. Big thanks to my husband, family, and friends for always supporting me and motivating me when things weren’t going my way.

For 2023, I’m going to be a bit easier on myself. I’m going to be dealing with the next challenge of my life, parenthood. Some days I might write, but a lot of days I’m sure I won’t. There are going to be really hard days but I know there will be really good days. For the first time ever, I’m not going to set any goals or resolutions this year. I’m going to take things one hour at a time and enjoy the moment with my husband and new little one.