A Change in Perspective

I had everything I’ve dreamed of. A loving husband, the baby we were trying to conceive for over four years, a fulfilling 9-5 day job, and a published book. I should have been deliriously happy, right?

Wrong. I was depressed and I wasn’t telling anyone. I was putting on a happy face saying everything was great because that’s what we do. How could I feel upset or depressed if I had everything I ever wanted?

I started listening to the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and it was exactly what I needed to shift my perspective and really figure out the deeper issue.

I felt like a failure. My young adult sapphic book Does Love Always Win? wasn’t a best seller, or even that big of a seller at all. I kept comparing myself to other authors that have been published this year and that hasn’t been healthy for me. I also kept looking at my Amazon rankings page every single morning and my Goodreads profile to see how many people have added my book or were reading it. And when it hadn’t changed (or got worse) I would sink deeper into my misery. Even when Barnes and Noble had me in for a signing and put my book on a Debuts You Must Read table, that didn’t satisfy me. I thought, “Why aren’t other bookstores doing this?” Instead, I should have been thinking, “Wow, I can’t believe my book is actually being featured at a B&N.”

So it’s time for a change. After I came to this realization I’ve woken up happier and shifted my perspective and priorities around. How many people in their life actually get a novel published? That in itself is an accomplishment. If it’s not a big hit, at least I tried and told my story. Some people have read it and liked it and I have a second book coming out in less than a year. You never know how that could be received or when a TikTok could go viral. I have other things in my life that are more important than worrying about my rankings that make me happy.

This new perspective should help me combat my negative thinking and appreciate what I have accomplished and to get ready for the next step, working on my new novel!